Everything changed for British musicologist Clive Wearing in 1985, the year he contracted herpesviral encephalitis. The disease severely damaged his memory-forming brain regions, leading to one of the most extreme cases of anterograde amnesia ever recorded and a memory span that lasts between 7 and 30 seconds, each moment experienced as a fresh awakening, a constant unveiling of the world anew. His diary entries poignantly reflect his condition, marking each perceived ‘first’ awakening and thought—his love for his wife, Deborah, regularly piercing the fog of his fleeting consciousness, a constant emotional anchor in the shifting sea of his short-term memory. Despite his memory limitations, his musical abilities remain untouched, offering another glimpse of the person he once was.
The Diary Entry
[13th January 1990]
I DO LIVE!!!!
7.46am I WAKE FOR THE FIRST TIME.
7.47am THIS ILLNESS HAS BEEN LIKE DEATH TILL NOW. ALL SENSES WORK.
7.47am FIRST THOUGHT: I LOVE DARLING DEBORAH FOR EVER. OUR FATHER.
7.51am FIRST CONSCIOUS STROLL.
8.07am I AM TOTALLY, PERFECTLY AWAKE. 1ST TIME. B’FAST.
8.31am NOW I AM REALLY COMPLETELY AWAKE (1ST TIME). PATIENCE.
8.35am TIME TO SEE RELAXING TV.
9.06am NOW I AM PERFECTLY, OVERWHELMINGLY AWAKE (1ST TIME). 1ST STROLL.
9.34am NOW I AM SUPERLATIVELY, ACTUALLY AWAKE (1ST TIME). LOO CALLS.
9.40am NOW I AM MAGNIFICENTLY, PERFECTLY AWAKE (1ST TIME). 1ST STROLL.
9.54am I AM NOW COMPLETELY AWAKE WITH CUP OF COFFEE. PATIENCE.
10.20am NOW I AM TOTALLY, MAGNIFICENTLY AWAKE (1ST TIME).
10.38am TIME FOR FIRST STROLL + ? TV.
11.01am I AM REALLY SUPERLATIVELY, PERFECTLY AWAKE (1ST TIME). PATIENCE.
11.03am FIRST THOUGHT – I LOVE DARLING DEBORAH FOR ETERNITY (1ST TIME).
11.15am FIRST CONSCIOUS WALK.
11.26am NOW I AM PERFECTLY, COMPLETELY AWAKE (1ST TIME). 1ST CONSCIOUS WALK.
11.37am I RETURN AND AWAITING 1ST COFFEE PATIENTLY AND THINKING OF DEBORAH.
11.45AM 1ST CUP OF COFFEE ARRIVES – I LIVE FULLY AWAKE IT TASTES SUPERLATIVE.
12.31pm AFTER LUNCH I AM REALLY PERFECTLY AWAKE (1ST TIME). PATIENCE.
12.54pm TIME FOR A WALK.
1.50pm I AM REALLY SUPERLATIVELY, COMPLETELY AWAKE (1ST TIME)
[The entry continues, largely as above, throughout the day.]
Further Reading
Clive Wearing’s story is remarkable and very moving. A number of his diary entries feature in Forever Today: A Memoir Of Love And Amnesia, a fascinating book written by his wife, Deborah.
Also…
Leave a Reply