Demented with grief

Iris Murdoch

30 November 1952

Demented with grief

_{^{Dame Iris Murdoch in her garden, London, September 1992
Photo: Brian Harris / Alamy}}

Franz Baermann Steiner was a Czech-born anthropologist and poet whose life was tragically cut short in 1952 by a heart attack—the final blow in a series of health struggles since his parents were claimed by the Holocaust. His enduring trauma from this profound loss had been a constant shadow, further weakening his already fragile health. Despite these challenges, Steiner’s relationship with British novelist Iris Murdoch, though lasting just over a year, was deeply meaningful and looked certain to prosper. It was on 30th November, three days after Steiner’s unexpected death, that Murdoch wrote the following entry in her diary.

The Diary Entry

30 November. What can I do with such a degree of misery?… How I overtook him on my bicycle in Parks Rd in the summer, and how his eyes shone so glad thro’ his glasses & he ran a little toward me – & I took his briefcase from him. And how we lay in the grass in the parks and he took photos of me. And how he would say ‘indyed!’, and whistle like a bird, & move his ears. And how I wd feel him moving them when he lay against my breast & we would both laugh. Mein Franz – dein Franz indeed – & more than you know. Ganz Steinerisch. Steiner and Steinerism. These things are as nearly unbearable as anything I have known. I love him. I don’t know what I can do with such pain. How to face it.

In agony. No overcoming death.

I only met F. a year ago in the summer. Except for that encounter in 1941 which he remembered so well…

Demented with grief. I don’t know what to do.

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